Showering, running the razor over my face and neck, then lathering my pubes and scraping off the sparse thatch of dark blond hair from the base of my cock and the much sparser covering my balls, all brought it home to me.  How I felt, what I wanted, and what I hoped to give up. 

I grabbed the red plaid blanket from the hall closet.  The wide collar with its silver studs and D-rings, and the leather harness I'd bought two weeks ago, were waiting by the door.  It was now or never.

Blanket over my shoulder, collar and harness in hand, I took a deep breath and opened the door.  Warm summer air brushed against me.  My cock wasn't erect, but it felt full and heavy as I stepped outside.  For a moment I hesitated, checking to be sure no one else could see me—no one but her that is.  The hedge was high enough to shield me, I was pretty sure, and as soon as I got out where I'd planned, I'd be all right.  I closed the door behind me. 

My heart hammered as I strode away from the house.  Stopping in the center of the lawn, I quickly spread out the blanket.  I knelt in the middle, making sure I was facing the house.  I wanted her to see me, but not feel threatened by my nakedness.

The harness was a bitch to get on.  Just handling myself made it worse.  I had to stop, close my eyes and think of road kill to calm down.  Then, I hurried to wrap the widest strap around the base, buckling it tight.  The rest was fairly easy, my balls nestled into their separate spaces, the strap tightened and buckled.  Finished, I felt blood pumping into my shaft.  In a matter of moments, I'd be hard.  I settled back on my heels, spread my knees wide and wound the collar around my neck.  A slave collar, recognition of what I wanted, what I prayed she'd want.  With my pulse racing, I began my wait.

I saw Robins scratching under one of the small bushes beside the house, a fly buzzed around me for a few minutes but left when I swatted at it.  The sun beat down on me; I strained to hear her.  Where was she?  Had she seen me?

The slamming of her backdoor warned me that she'd come outside.  For a moment, I considered retreating into the house.  If she were upset, she could charge me with lewdness or something equally as embarrassing.  A shiver raced up my spine, but I remained kneeling, determined to carry it through.  My cock hung between my thighs, heavy from the constraint of the harness.  I covered myself as best as I could with my hands.   

Suddenly, there came a noise from her yard, a thump.  I'm sure I heard a gasp, but didn't dare look.  Was she there, watching me?  Had she seen me and run for the house to phone the cops?  I was rattled.  I seriously considered running for it.  Then I heard the gate squeal. 

The silence was killing me.  I wanted, needed her to say something or I'd bolt.  I didn’t dare look around, couldn't meet her eyes, or even check to see if it was her.  It had to be her.  Straightening my back, I remembered to breathe.

"You knew I was here, why didn't you run?"  Her voice was soft, but sure.  Her question caught me totally off guard.

"I-I was hoping you'd see me."